kinda down...

so the past few days i've been feeling down... pretty lonely... i've just been missing my family, and friends, and chris a lot... it seems everyone is so busy (including myself) that it hard to make time to get together, or even call to talk... i know i've said this in my last three posts, but i really do need a vacation... a quality vacation... sure, i was just with my family for a few days, but that wasn't good, quality family fun time...

i had to cancel my trip to cali... which really bummed me out... and who knows when i'll have a chance to get out there again... all the people i was friends with at rose have seemed to scatter... everyone has their own lives and the people you spoke to everyday for years now never speak to you at all... i guess i should have expected that... it was like that with high school too... people grow up... i guess i just had higher expectations of my college friends...

it's been nearly two months since i last saw chris... we're used to that... but he's gotten extra busy with work and his buddies there, and he doesn't have time to call me as much, or chat with me online like we used to... i know he doesn't like goldsboro, and likes to escape when he can... and doesn't want to be "tied down" to a computer or a cell phone... and since those are the ways we communicate, it makes me feel like he doesn't want to spend time with me... and when he does get around to chatting with me (phone or online) he's always distracted with other things or other people... i do get a few minutes of undivided time when he calls me on his way home from work... i look forward to those calls...

sometimes i feel like a bad girlfriend for wanting more... wanting to be treated like the typical girlfriend... i want flowers and random emails or text msgs during the day to remind me that he loves me... i want little surprises... even if it's as small as a pack of my fav. gum, or his fav. memory of us written on a card and given to me... i know it's not being a bad girlfriend to tell him what i need... but it's a bad girlfriend for wanting so much when he doesn't have time... *sigh* how many more months of this?

it will be nice to see chris next weekend... but we'll be with my family, and it will be way busy... i don't forsee much hero-princess time... surely there will be some when i visit him in june... yeah... that will be nice...

i talked to my mom today... she's been seeing a grief councelor... seems to be helping... it will be nice to see her next weekend too... she's another one that needs a vacation... she's bringing my siblings here in june... it will be good for her to get away for a while... i'm exciting about my family visiting... this is the first official family vacation since my parents' divorce... so it's a good step forward... yeah...

well, it's about time for me to hit the hay... maybe something exciting will happen at work this week...